Storm clouds don't always mean rain...Oz, and a lot of gray.

     The balance of life is so confusing...yet at the very same time, it seems to make perfect sense...which in itself, makes absolutely none.      Just because you see dark  clouds rolling in, doesn't mean a storm is on the way...sometimes it drizzles and the rain barely kisses the top of your head...   Then there are times when the sun is out and all of a sudden, boom, it's pouring and your drenched from a flash flood.    It's very difficult trying to figure out the weather...and it's exceedingly draining trying to figure out your life...let alone somebody else's.  
    As a child, I remember having a re-occuring nightmare...I was standing outside, looking into a swimming pool...and my family was chained to the bottom.   They were looking up at me waiting for help.   It was MY job (and mine alone) to figure out how to save them...   In waking life, always I tried my best...and in doing so,  very often found that ultimately I was using shades of gray rather than simply black and white.   There were too many feelings...too many hearts breaking, or confused, or even happy in being oblivious to those around them...   So much of my life had been (and still is to some degree) spent trying to "fix" others...make the world smile.   With my own family, it would seem I'm more of a pain in the ass when I think I'm being helpful...but the intention is good.

    There's an invisible tattoo somewhere across my head that says "No worries...I'll figure it out".   And 99% of the time I did...and 99% of the time, I do...even after a screw up.   My frustration with the world around me, gave me the determination to create beauty.     There was need for balance...I certainly didn't feel beautiful...and I was failing at "saving" everybody...although I must say that most of the time, I do have an uncanny ability to make others smile...even if it's after miles of tears.   In my experience, the very best therapy, outlet and fantasy I have to this day, is "figured out"through my sketching.    I'm not an artist in that sense...but I know what the designs will one day look like...and even then in black and white...I could see so much more than the grays...I could envision the color...the enchantment, and the sparkle.   When Dorothy went from Kansas into Oz, she experienced what I knew one day I would bring to life starting with these sketches.  

    Wishing you all the very best of luck, and magic, in being able to see how beautiful this world has the potential to be...   and of course, success in any journeys you find yourself on...and a healthy balance of compassion, and self respect along the way.   Quite Kindly...and really quite tired, Melli